Uncle Nathan

Pop and Uncle Nathan are headed out to Park City, Utah for their annual skiing trip. This year they decided to fly out of Dulles, so they are staying at our house tonight. Uncle Nathan and Eli had fun hanging out together today.

I Spoke Too Soon.

That little stinker! So if Friday was the best night Eli ever had, I think Saturday was the WORST night. I was up with Eli 4 times and Kevin was up with him 4 times too. He basically didn't sleep. I can't remember a night like that since he was first born.

I guess tonight is a new night. And there's always concealer for my dark circles tomorrow morning. Wish us luck!

Sleep!!

Ok, so this won't seem exciting to those mothers whose babies slept through the night right away. My dear Eli still gets up every 3 hours or so to eat at night. He's always up at least twice at night- he eats at 12-1ish and again at 3-4ish. Well last night his first stretch went 5 hours. I wasn't sleeping this entire time (shame on me). I fed him at 1:30 and he fell back asleep until 6am!

Like I said, this might not seem very exciting to most of you, but I woke up feeling so refreshed. Four hours of sleep in a row!!!
Eli, Mommy is SO proud of you! Wasn't it nice to sleep so much?!? I told you how much fun sleeping is. Please feel free to do it again tonight!!

Eli and Lamb-y

Lamb-y is the softest

Giving Lamb-y kisses

January's Book

Mim and Pop,

Thanks for my new book! I had such a fun time with you this weekend. Thanks for playing with me and reading to me. I especially loved getting a bath while you were here. I had fun showing you how I can sit in my Bumbo seat like a big boy. I've learned a lot of tricks, haven't I?

I love you! See you soon!
Eli

Mim and me with my new book

Hold on Mim while I pose for this picture

3 Months Old!

Eli turned 3 months on Thursday. He is such a big boy now... and by big, I mean pudgy! He now weighs 12 and a half pounds. That's almost a seven pound weight gain since birth! He can now sit up in his Bumbo seat and gets a bath in his tub without the "little baby" netting. Speaking of bathtime, he loves it! He has figured out how to splash Mom and Dad. He still loves to be "basted" with warm water. He would stay in the tub for hours if we let him. He has been sleeping in his big boy crib for a couple weeks and now has a more regular nap schedule.

Mim and Pop got him an Exersaucer for Christmas. He's still a little small, but he can use it with a blanket wedged in for support.

Back to Work. Sigh.

Well today was my first day back at work. I "phase back" which means I get to work 20 hours this week, 25 next, 30 the following, then 35, then finally 40 hours a week again. So at least I get to ease back into it. Today my friend Renee watched Eli for 4 hours- thanks Renee! It was hard leaving him, but it wasn't as bad as I thought since it was only 4 hours. Then I really started missing him after I got to work. I brought 3 pictures of him to put in my office. This is going to be a long week!

Pumping at work is much harder than I thought. I went into a locked room where they store sodas and training class materials. I put a post it note on the door, sat down indian style, and ate my PB&J sandwich while watching traffic go by on the highway. About 8 minutes later, I hear a knock at the door. Geez. The trainer needed sodas. Go figure.

Eli had a liver check up today as well. The doctor didn't do much- just poked his tummy a bit. She said the liver size was right on target. His next liver sonogram and blood work will be scheduled in February.

Nobody asked me if I'm ok with this "work thing!"

Smile!

C'mon, smile for Mommy!

Almost buddy... Give me a bigger one!

That's the one!

Hoo Hoo Haa Haa... Eli's Smiles

Our little guy has been smiling up a storm these past few weeks. I'm the crazy mother standing over him with a camera making monkey noises all day long trying to capture it all on film. I'm not saying that Eli loves me more than his daddy, but I will say that he has been a perfect little angel today in his "I Love Mommy" shirt. He wore his "I Love Daddy" one a couple nights ago and had his first leaky poopy diaper. "I Love Daddy" was covered- I mean COVERED. I'm just saying...

My letter to Eli

As many of you know, our pregnancy with Eli was filled with a lot of uncertainty. So many of you showed your support with prayers and phone calls and emails. It meant so much to us. My mom encouraged me to write down the details of my pregnancy and Eli's birth, so I decided to write Eli a letter.

Dear Eli,

Merry Christmas little guy! You were born just two and a half months ago, and yet I can't seem to remember life without you. As we celebrated the birth of Jesus our Savior this Christmas, your daddy and I reflected on a miracle of His- your birth. If your story was written by medical experts, you wouldn't be with us today. But your story was authored by Jesus.

Halfway through my pregnancy with you, an ultrasound revealed that your heart was enlarged and over-rotated. We were sent to National Childrens Medical Center in Washington, DC for an MRI. I remember lying still during the test and feeling you move for the first time. And I prayed that you would be okay.

We found out your diagnosis that day- a hepatic AVM- a malformation in the liver. A cluster of blood vessels on your liver were causing an increase in blood flow to your heart, causing it to be enlarged over twenty percent. The doctors at Childrens said this was very rare and that no two cases were alike. They said it was serious and decided to monitor you weekly.

The next week we were referred to a fetal specialist at the University of Maryland Hospital in Baltimore. The doctor we were seeing was highly renowned and had experience with fetal AVMs. His prognosis was grim. He thought the AVM would continue to grow in size causing too much stress on your heart, resulting in heart failure. He told us that you had less than a 10% chance of making it to 28 weeks (the earliest they would deliver you to operate). He urged us to consider an in vitro experimental procedure using lasers to coil off the vessels connecting the mass to your heart. Only the University of Maryland, Baylor University, and somewhere in Belgium did the procedure. He guessed that there was a 50% chance of some success and was uncertain if more than one procedure would be necessary. For a moment, I thought we had our answer. Those were better odds than if we chose no intervention. But then he added that you had a 50% chance of surviving the procedure. The connector vessels might bleed or the procedure might send me into premature labor. He told us we would have to make a decision in the next couple of days. If we opted to do the procedure, it would be scheduled in the following week or two.

Your dad and I left in shock. Less than a 10% chance? 50/50 odds that you would survive a procedure that wasn't guaranteed to work? How could we possibly make a decision that was the equivalent of flipping a coin? But how could we not do anything? Your dad dropped me off at work. I remember going straight into the bathroom stall to cry before returning to my office. Those next days I prayed for direction. My prayers were desperate. Please God save my baby.

We returned a few days later still not sure what to do but armed with more questions. The doctor checked you again and discovered that more connector vessels were now present and that the surgery would be too risky. I was relieved that we didn't have to make that decision. Then I realized what we were left with- our "best case scenario"- a less than 10% chance of you making it to 28 weeks, and if you did, hoping you would weigh enough and be healthy enough to undergo delivery and surgery.

Each week a fetal echo was done on your heart to look for signs of heart failure. I remember sitting in the bathtub one night after one of your tests and the song "Praise You in This Storm" came to mind. I thanked God that throughout this trial, He promised to be there and to give grace for each day. I've never felt so helpless in my life. Your daddy and I couldn't save you. All the doctors could do was wait and monitor. But I knew that I could pray. I prayed that the mass would go away. I prayed that your little heart would continue to withstand the extra blood flow. And I prayed for that grace which God graciously poured out every day. When faced with trial, people often ask why God would allow something like this to happen. Although I didn't understand, I knew that our trial was an opportunity to trust God, to grow closer to Him, and to experience the peace that He promises (Isaiah 40:28-31 and Psalms 62:5-8). I prayed to God to help me to trust Him and His plan, because you belonged to Him and His plans for you are more perfect than anything I could ever imagine. And I asked God to help me pray the hardest prayer- to accept His plan for you even if it meant that He might not answer my prayers how I wanted, even if it meant that He would take you to heaven before I could ever see your face.

Your Mim and Pop and Grandma and Grandpa prayed every day for you. They were true prayer warriors. So were the people at their churches. People in the midst of their own trials prayed for you. Nan prayed everyday for you while facing a serious surgery and long recovery. Thousands of people prayed for you. You were on prayer request lists all over the country. Your father and I were so encouraged to know that so many people were praying.

Each week we would either drive to Childrens Hospital or an office in Frederick for your test. A tech would take fifty or so pictures of your heart, and then we would wait for the doctor to analyze the results. Waiting was so hard. If only we could get to 28 weeks, then the doctors could deliver you via c-section and operate. Of course even that was no guarantee, but if you developed heart failure before 28 weeks, there was nothing we could do.

Week after week we were encouraged with test results that showed no change in the mass and no signs of heart failure. When Week 28 arrived on August 9th and your heart was still withstanding the extra flow, your dad and I went out to dinner to celebrate. The team of doctors decided to watch you more closely, often twice a week. They also measured your growth at each appointment to make sure the AVM wasn't affecting any of your other organs.

Your growth continued to look positive, and you were gaining weight. The doctors hoped for 34 weeks. When we reached 34 weeks, they decided to schedule your delivery for the 37th week since you would be considered full term. The date was set for October 15 and an obstetrician at Washington Hospital Center was selected for the delivery. The cardiologist thought some form of intervention would be needed within 24 hours, since your blood flow would change drastically once you were born and breathing on your own. A team at Childrens was assembled and on call for that day, including a surgeon who would intervene if necessary. Your father and I were nervous as we left the house on October 14th. We had taken birthing classes in the event that I would be allowed to deliver naturally. The doctors okayed a natural birth but would deliver you via c-section if you showed any signs of distress during labor.

At 1:10am on October 15, you entered the world. Our little miracle had arrived! You were just perfect, all 5 pounds and 15 ounces of you. I thought you looked just like your daddy. About an hour after you were born, you were taken by ambulance across the street to Childrens. Your dad went with you while they tested you and drew blood. After three days in the cardiac intensive care unit, we were allowed to take you home with instructions on how to look for signs of heart failure. No intervention was needed at that point! Your heart was doing just fine. Follow up tests in the next weeks showed that your heart size was in the upper limits of normal and that the AVM had actually decreased in size! The doctors couldn't explain it. As of this point, your heart and liver will be checked every few weeks (and later checked every few months) for changes.

Little Eli, you are a miracle, a true gift from God. Celebrating the Christmas season with family and friends was so much sweeter this year because you were a part of it. Amid all the presents under the tree was a very special gift that your daddy and I picked out for you. It's a simple green painted wooden sign that reads Prayer Changes Things. We hung it above your doorway as a reminder of God's answer to prayer. Eli, as you grow up, don't ever forget the power of prayer. Remember that praying for someone is the kindest thing you can do for them. We can never adaquately express our thanks to all the prayer warriors who were so faithful to pray for you. And we can never thank God enough that he answered the prayers that so many lifted up to Him. All the work of the doctors didn't save you. Your daddy and I didn't save you. Jesus saved you.

I love you,

Mommy

We miss you Daddy!

Today is Kevin's first day back at work. It was so strange to see him wearing a suit again! As hard as it will be to go back to work (I go back next Monday), we are so happy to have had 11-12 weeks at home with him together. It was especially nice having both of us at home since Eli isn't the best sleeper.

Daddy,
We hope you are having a good first day back. Mommy and I miss you! I was a good boy while Mommy washed and dried her hair this morning. I also took a morning nap already! I can't wait to see you later!
Love,
Little Donkey

A Sad New Year's Day for Penn State Fans

Even though Eli and I dressed up in our Penn State finest, the Nittany Lions still lost to USC in the Rose Bowl on New Year's Day. Look at how pudgy he's getting! All those Christmas cookies I ate went right to his tummy!

Christmas

Happy New Year! It's been awhile since I've posted. We had a great Christmas with family- we spent Christmas Eve and New Year's Day with Grandma & Grandpa and the six days in between with Mim & Pop in PA. It took us half a day to pack up the car. We were those parents that people make fun of- packing the bath tub, the swing, the pack-n-play, and every outfit that Eli owns. It was so full that we didn't have room for Gracie's carrier! She rode like a big girl on the back seat.

It was great having leave fall over the holidays. It was nice and relaxing, and we got to see so many people and introduce them to Eli. We're so blessed to have such great families. We enjoyed our time together so much- eating great food, playing Apples to Apples, and visiting with friends.

Eli got so many fun gifts- lots of clothes and toys. On Christmas Day we opened gifts only when he was awake. Needless to say, gift opening was an on-again, off-again all day event!

The evening of the 26th means one thing- time for the annual Bish Family Ping Pong Tournament. This year my dad reclaimed the trophy (yes, there is a trophy) from my cousin Derek, the champ from last year.

Before we left to come home, we took some very special pictures. Here are the four generations.

Aunt Jo

Diaper change in Nan's living room